Post Portland

Ahh, much better! Change of scenery works wonders! I've been pretty busy and tired since then, but the attitude is much improved. Not all of life's problems are fixed yet, but some progress has been made. That's encouraging!
School is going well so far - it's great to see my #2 just dive into it headfirst and enjoying it! His favorite classes are math and teacher's advisory (basically "play time"). J has the same teacher for both of these and he was also Ch's math teacher last year. Funny thing is that Ch has him again this year, but now for Utah history. Ch struggled in math, but I think he'll enjoy the history class. I was very grateful to hear the teacher's attitude that history should be enjoyed - so if all the kids like one subject, they'll just sit on it for a while and study it more and more. Cool! So I hope that Ch really does enjoy it - it's one subject I wish I'd enjoyed more when I was taking it because I appreciate it a lot more now! The teacher also said all the work should be able to be done in class, and the kids really shouldn't have very much homework at all! YEA!!!!! (Homework still means a lot of my time right now.... school is not made for both parents working full time!) - Mom's should (be able to) stay home! Oh well!
Ch got more brackets in his mouth - so exciting! And J doesn't have to have another check-up for 6 mo's - we might get away without braces for this kid! The Dr thinks I should probably get them again - slight underbight...bottom teeth wearing some of the top teeth down. I can feel it now if my jaw is clenched. I should just relax more, right???
Wow - I'm pretty spaced right now. Slight allergies right now make for a drizzly nose and a few extra sneezes....but I learned I'm not gonna take more allergy meds! They knocked me out for the 6 hours it lasted for last Saturday! Luckily I had the time to sleep - even though I felt like a Lazy Lout and drained the rest of the day. I got to go to a movie with St and watch a video with the kidlets and do lots of reading this weekend. This is a pretty good way to fill in time when there's not much energy for output!
Work's been busy with busy work - not a lot of stuff that brings in the big $$s that make the bigwigs happy, but we're okay. St's work has been stressful for him - all the running around and here and there is getting to him. Welcome to management, I say! I'm not missing it. His official Swearing-In is tomorrow night... They get to dress up in their fancies and get the recognition for their new titles - so it should be good.
Ahh. I just remembered the other thing that pre-occupied a lot of my thoughts when we got back. We found out that the 11 yr old son of my YW's 2nd counselor from my last ward was killed in a terrible accident (he was hit by a car on his scooter) on the Friday we left and they had the funeral on Tues when we flew home. He was with 3 of his friends and there was a blind spot where he crossed the road. I can't even imagine what their family is going through! I still need to go visit her - the only thing I can think of to do is hug her and pray for the family and the boys who had to witness that. Life is fragile and precious. I hug my boys tight and am grateful that I have them to be irritated at because they behave that 8 mo old puppy dogs (they both have new bite-marks from yesterday's "playing")!
With that, I'll adjourn. I must think of an activity for the girls to do tomorrow for YW's without me since I'll be at the Swearing-In deal.
Adieu - until next time.

Just Catchup...

Nothing spectacular has happened...the past 2 weeks or so have been rough so I just haven't wanted bring ya'll down with my dour attitude. This week's somewhat better, although over-cast and a little rainy. I'm not complaining because it's cooled things down and it actually matches my mood as of late. I'm just run down and tired.
Oh, the minor event for this morning is that I almost passed out - quite surprised myself! I had a suspicious mole so I went into the dermatologist and had him remove it (they are doing a biopsy even though the mole was symmetrical and smaller than the worrisome size). I just don't think it was normal because it was darker than all my other ones and it got bigger - so let's ZAP it before it can really cause some problems. I discovered it by my legs being WAY itchy - like some kind of rash or something that you couldn't see! I think that was from an old lotion that must've broken down chemically with age since I've used it last....at least a year, probably more. And as the doc was checking the legs out he pointed out the white spots weren't a rash but flat warts. I'd forgotten that I'd had them before and my regular doc suggested I just leave them be and they'd probably go away, which they did, I thought. But either they're still there, or they're back. So now I've got a perscription and a small stitch in my shin. I find it really odd that I got woozy. I don't like not having control over my body - but I'm discovering age has a way of taking that control away. Or maybe that's just life - but more gunk is happening to me since I've reached my 30's. Ah, well. The maturity that I gain with my 3o's to me, overrides the physical fall-apart.
So here's a copy of the Fam Report. I'm really enjoying the kids. They can really be thoughtful!

Okay - can't be outdone by my bro! [He finally wrote a smidge, and I hadn't this week...] I'll take my turn at the fam update. There's not much to tell... It's been rather hot here too - but that's to be expected. We have had some nice moisture lately and this week has cooled down. Good thing, too, since my A/C in my car totally conked out on Saturday!! It blows hot air really well. That poor car really needs a major overhaul! The engine's knockin' too. *sigh* Ah, well...hopefully we can scrape together a few pennies to get it looked at in the near future. As for this week and next I am not going to worry about - or much else! I'm going to concentrate on enjoying myself!!! I'm so excited to get to go to Portland with St and to see all of my siblings! I'm just wondering how we can cram a whole bunch of years worth into just a few days!! I guess enjoying to the max is the best we can do!
The kids started school yesterday and are pretty excited about most of their classes. J really likes the band teacher - he's quite a character....his own personal emphasis is the tuba, so those band people out there can get a pretty good insight right there! J has the same math teacher Ch had last year, and then Ch has him again this year for Utah history - it's a good thing I like him. Ch struggled in math - but I think it's the kid more than the teacher! Hope this year is better. I was proud of Ch for pulling out his papers and working on them right away before he did anything else! Yes, Mom - I did praise him and said that I hoped he did more of the same throughout the year! We've also offered an incentive for straight A's, as Ch is pretty motivated when it comes to specific rewards. J's pretty good with just rising to the challenge to do a good job, but gotta keep up the positive reinforcement. Ch is thinking he'll like his career skills class the best. He's actually looking forward to the cooking part, and he'd like to make himself a body pillow. Oh, yeah. Ch got to go on his first week-long scout camp about 3 weeks ago. Yup- rained on him everyday, but he still enjoyed it. Back to school - they're happy to be back in. They have a few friends in their classes already and Jarrod didn't get lost on his first day of 6th grade like he was worried about. So good.
St seems to be enjoying being sergeant - he doesn't talk about it much. He usually talks more about work when he's stressing about it. We've been taking a spin class (stationary bikes) at the recreation center and the boys have joined in once or twice. It sure makes you sweat buckets - so you feel like it's been worthwhile afterwords without too much risidual muscle-aches afterwords (I probably don't push myself hard enough then, right?).... It's also not high-impact on the knees, which I need. I've been making great use of our BBQ grill the last few weeks. We got it cleaned up and our Nutritional Plan that we've put ourselves on (just small, healthy meals every couple of hours) calls for a lot of protein without salt...so I'm grilling with vinegar marinades. Some have turned out better than others, so it's been pretty enjoyable. I basically cook up a whole bunch, then cut it and baggie it in meal sized portions so it's like our own fast-food. Lots of greens and veggies, and good healthy carbohydrates (like potatoes, rice, jicama - I still won't eat squash, though!).

I'm looking forward to the Portland air to give us breath of fresh air and rejuvenate the blood. I do love life. I am grateful for my children and the love they have for me. I feel their sweetness right now. I feel my parent's love for me. I know HF is there, He's just letting me deal with it until I learn what I need to from the struggles we're going through right now. Just waiting for this to pass and wondering if there is something I can do about it - hoping I can learn what I need to sooner than later and hoping that it doesn't take my whole-body effort into changing because I'm tired and don't know that I can do that right now. I'd love some fresh, mountain air that's not too cold to be able to just exist. I'd like to be able to rise to that level.

And she keeps going! I need to nourish this body. A little sick of me to enjoy feeling the martyr of the faintness I feel from not eating.... The human can be quite stupid sometimes. :)

So I leave you with a smile, faint - but it's there. Trials will pass. Life will be enjoyed again. I am wrapped in a huge hug of family love. I know it. It's all good.

Good Point

Now I must continue in what deserves another posting.

Yellow said:
If anything, internet American (WORLD!) Life has made my community richer, deeper, more connected.
Let's not berate the negative we project from what may be our own weaknesses to the internet community as a whole. There is good in the world. There is bad that happens.
What do YOU do? What do YOU choose?I don't feel any blanket statement on disconnectedness is truly valid.

K. Me? I try not to be be the addict, I could easily get sucked up into like I can do with TV. (One very real reason why we don't subscribe to TV, beside it being a waste of money - can't get good reception without cable.) I do have issues with information available on the internet - but you're right. The internet itself is not to blame. It's just the choice of not using self-discipline.

I find it an interesting thought to think of how isolated we can choose to become and feel okay about it because of the depth of feelings that can be safely communicated through the internet. That's the rub that set me off. It does work both ways, for good and evil. Very powerful tool. For one with social issues, (although this is not my own personal hang-up either), I can see how easy it would be to avoid the discomfort of developing in-person relationships - it is way too easy to hide out, yet gratify your need to create emotianal attachments with little or no risk. I'm one who believes it is necessary to bond in-person with those outside of the confines of your own home, I believe that we need each other in order to become better people ourselves. It takes risk to care.

[I "cried" (teared up but not dripping) this morning when my friend told me his (grown-up) daughter was killed this weekend (a car hit her from behind when she was out jogging). I am terribly sad for my friend - I cannot imagine losing one of my children. He's not had an easy life. I hope he takes comfort in that I am concerned for his well-being. I suppose this relationship could have taken place on the computer as opposed to the business offce. Seeing the facial expression, hearing the tone of voice is priceless - extremely difficult to replace.]

There are many negative things in real life that I could avoid if I only had cyber-relationships...I could avoid a lot of heart ache. But the physical touch, the glance that says 100 words - it's worth the risk I keep telling myself when I wish I could do without all the real life gunck.

Sigh - it's Monday. It's cloudy.
I feel it.

But despite being run-down I know that 80% of my tiredness comes from staying up too late to finish my book! My fault. I accept the consequences.
I feel some tentative resolve returning to commit to have self-discipline again. I keep changing my mind on myself, though - but I've held out for the 6 hours I've been up already. (It's been a busy Monday morning - taking me 2 hours to complete this!).