I laugh at me!

I so sleepy last night!

So I begin to get ready for bed - I turn on the water to wash my contacts, and get distsracted by something in my eye so I lean over the sink to the mirror to check it out. I'm fine, stand up - AND- Shock of cold water dumped down my cleavage down to my belly!!!!!!!!! My cowl neck sweater scooped up the water beautifully from the faucet and waited just for me to stand up!!!!!

I wasn't so sleepy any more!!!!!

And things are improving with (I'll call him St)! I think my attitude of "be nice!!!" and being reminded that he needs to feel like he's right and being calm in stating my different opinions is working. He thinks it's 'cause I'm going to the gym more regularly and making an effort to be organized in the house.

There's really nothing wrong with going to the gym regularly to be healthy, unless it takes priority over being there with the kids. That's my issue with it all. And I can't peel my behind outta bed at 5-5:30 am yet to do it then.....so it's been 9:30 pm lately. I really don't like that. I come home hungry.

And I don't like him telling me I'm fat (he says he's joking or I take him too seriously or that "I didn't say you're fat", but makes rather obvious suggestions as to that opinion) when I am 5'8" and have never weighed more than 125 lb's (besides the pregnancies)!!! He's a NUT!!! I say fondly at this moment.

He really does have his good qualities - it is the reason why I marred myself to him. Isn't that rather a sick way to put it? Yes, I am a cynical optimist. He says I'm very negative. I rather laugh at that. Why would a negative person stick with a difficult person in difficult situations for over 13 years if they were so negative? Does a negative person wake up naturally with a smile on their lips and in their heart and have to remember the poop to get down again??? I have to laugh at that one every time, especially after reading our horoscopes....being very close is a good and bad thing - Sagitarius and Capricorn never are matched up for positive or negative on the general zodiac blurbs. So I matched them and we've both got a lot of drive , but Sag is the Optimist and Cap is the Pessimist! So to a Pess anything said can be construed as Negative!!! I have no chance with that one - so I laugh it off! Silly boy. One day he'll understand (and me too) - but probably not til after we die. This is one reason that I look forward to that day. I'll wait for that, though. I do love life too much to change my current status. (Cynical Optimism exemplified.)

Enough for today.

I simile.

I'm not frustrated doing nothing

But I can sure think of many more things I'd prefer to do with this time.

It's on purpose - I am avoiding making those infernal phone calls.
-Why do I hate calling and just collecting information? It's not really that big of a deal I try to to my self. But my self is so stubborn and doesn't listen to well to I. It's quite irresponsible of me, too, especially for being such a responsible person.

I'd like to read my novel, for one. Go hang out with a kid. (Ah, the dream) I say that, but then the kid drives me up the wall with complaining to me about how bored he is. (See? The Reality) Or then I go home and get my self distracted with dinner prep, cleaning up dishes that I really should make the kids do, or laundry, etc and just plain tell the kid not to go in my "moving zone" (how many times do you fall over a kid because they have to be 2 paces close to you everywhere you turn?!) (Another Reality!)

My laziness is being indulged, and so therefore here I am instead of where I'm supposed to be. (The Dreamer) AND! Got to go to lunch with some neighborhood ladies at a really cute little Tea Place - and I got to learn some etiquette! Surprised my self by knowing more than I thought I did about it! And I didn't mind too much that I was 20+ years younger than everyone there! They're neat and fun and friendly and fun to chat about all the horrors we all had building our houses there.... I could really gripe about the building world here in our small town that ain't too small anymore! But I don't want to!

I suppose I ought to work! *sigh* Or go find another fun way to play on the computer!

New Beginning

I begin
Dreams
with my Eyes Open

I see
but paint Rose Blue and swirl with Reds and Yellows
and fleck some Green in there too

Reality
Catches my feet
and holds them Firm
makes me laugh
makes me cry

and I Dream
Hope
Faith
Wish
Plan

And then I Begin some more